On Insecurity

Since I switched my day off and have been able to go to church on Wednesday nights, I've been going to a woman's Bible study based on the book So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore.

I have some Beth Moore experience under my belt from college, and while I love to roll my eyes at how ridiculous she can be, I have always learned from her. This time around isn't any different.

Last week, one of the challenges was for us to think about how our insecurity limits us. To really, honestly take a look at our lives and see what we're missing out on because of insecurity.

Now, I'll admit, I've always struggled with insecurity. I'm generally quiet and shy and it takes a while for me to warm up to new people. But I had never really given any amount of thought to what I was missing out on because of my insecurity. Or given any thought to the idea that I didn't have to be insecure, that it was something I could change.

I was kind of shocked when I started paying attentions to the things that I hold back from because of insecurity...

• There's a knitting group meet up that I keep saying I'm going to go to, to learn to knit and meet new people. I've been saying this for almost a year and still haven't gone. 
• When I'm ordering food I hesitate to make special requests. My boss is very specific about how she likes her sushi, and it is torture when I have to order it!
• I am an independent consultant for Thirty One Gifts.While I love their products, I very rarely promote my business or invite people to host parties.
• Coming up with blog posts is difficult, because I'm always worried that I'll bore you to death or that you won't like what I wrote. 
• On our first date, I wouldn't look Josh in the eyes and I barely talked to him. Good thing he was willing to look past that!

I'm sure I could think of plenty more, but you get the idea.

Yikes.

John 10:10 tells us that God wants us to live abundantly.

I know this, but often I am too worried about what others will think or how I will feel to embrace it. As I said, I've always just looked at my insecurity as a character trait, part of my personality, not something I could actually change. But I am beginning to realize that maybe I can change, and maybe I need to. Maybe I shouldn't spend so much time worrying about what everyone else thinks, and instead dwell on what God thinks.