Saturday, June 26, 2010

Learning to Wait

I think one of the most frustrating things is when I can’t fix things for Josh. Right now, he’s outside in the miserable Florida heat trying to repair the gas tank on his truck. I want to be able to help. But the limits of what I can do stops some where around ice water & ham sandwiches. I see him sweating and being frustrated and I want to fix it for him. Unfortunately my knowledge of car repair ranks right up there with my knowledge of brain surgery. Zip.

One of the things I’ve learned the most over the past few months is that I can’t always fix it. There are times I don’t have the solution, the expertise, the strength or the ability to fix things. As much as I want to do whatever it takes so that he’s not stressed out, it’s not always possible.

The same thing applies to our relationship. When we fight, or disagree, I want to make up immediately. I want to yell and scream for five minutes, get it out of my system, and then be done and hug and kiss and be all lovey dovey again. Not Josh. He needs more time to recuperate. When he’s angry or frustrated, it takes longer for him to come around than it takes me. He doesn’t want to talk or hug or cuddle. He wants to be left alone. It took me a long time to be okay with that, and I still have to work at it. It makes me sad and uncomfortable when I feel like he’s still angry, and I want the problem to go away immediately. I want to fix it. But he really just needs time. I’m learning that if I give him space, and don’t push him to be ready to make up as soon as I am, he eventually comes around and apologizes and all is right with the world.

I have to keep learning that I don’t have the answers to all the world’s problems, and not even to all of our problems. Sometimes it just takes time.

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