Happy Anniversary {to us!}

Two years ago today, I walked down the aisle and said "I do" to my sweet husband.

We hadn't even known each other two years, but I have never been so sure I was doing the right thing as I was the day I married him. Our marriage has had it's ups and downs, but there is no one I would rather have walked this road with over the past two years.

Our wedding day was a blur of activity and fun. I don't remember being nervous at all until we realized my flowers hadn't shown up yet (they finally did--several hours late. I still stick my tongue out every time I drive by that florist!) 

We've been through car accidents, emergency surgeries, starting a business, changing jobs, near evictions and a million other every day crisis. Looking back, I would've said our first year was great, and we were happy. And we were--but when I compare that to how much better our second year has been, it pales in comparison.

This past year we have learned how to communicate better, fight fairer, laugh harder, and love deeper. We have learned to seek God's best in our relationship.

 

I am so grateful to be married to a man who loves his family, wants to learn, desires to be more like Christ, is always willing to help others, and has a servant heart. I couldn't ask for a better husband.

This was our first dance song, and it still is a perfect song for us:

Happy 2nd Anniversary, Joshy! I love you more every day.

Rules for Fighting Fair

As mentioned when I talked about my hate/hate relationship with conflict, one of the things we did recently in our marriage Bible study was to come up with some ground rules for fighting fair.

Here's a few that we came up with. If you have any more to share, I'd love to hear!

1. Take Turns. Each person gets a turn to explain their point of view, without interruptions.

2. Don't Get Historical. Keep the past in the past. If you have forgiven them for past mistakes, they need not to be rehashed every time you argue.

3. Don't Get Hysterical, Either. Stay calm. Yelling and screaming don't help you get your point across.

4. Try Not to Take it Personally. Remember that conflict is normal, and healthy. One of you doesn't have to be right, and one wrong--you can just have different opinions.

5. Be Picky. Ask yourself if what you're arguing about is really worth arguing about. If you're arguing just for the sake of being right, stop.


I struggle most with number four. What about you?

On Conflict

Let me really honest here: I do not like conflict. Not at all. I would rather just pretend everything is okay than deal with any issues in any of my relationships.

What usually happens when Josh and I disagree is that I just give in and let it go, because that is easier to me than dealing with a disagreement. And if that doesn't solve the problem, then I get upset and cry and go to bed.

Yeah. Not the healthiest strategy.

Fortunately for Josh and I, we have been growing through Chip Ingram's "Experiencing God's Dream for Your Marriage" with another couple from our church. We are almost through the study and have learned some really great things about what marriage is designed to look like, intimacy, and communication. But I'll admit, when I found out last night's topic was "Conflict Resolution: How to Fight Fair", I got a little squirmy.  I don't even like to talk about conflict. Ugh.

I am so glad we did, though. We discussed some ground rules for fighting fair and why we each react to conflict differently.

What stood out for me more than anything else is that conflict is normal. I guess this might be a "duh" moment for a lot of people, but it really resonated with me. Conflict is normal, it is healthy, and it is a necessary part of marriage.

Chip gave the example of Paul and Barnabas in the Bible. We don't know all the juicy details, but basically, these two amazing missionaries parted ways because they couldn't agree on what to do with John Mark. Two of the Godliest guys in history had conflict. In the end, their conflict actually allowed them to spread the Gospel to more places individually than if they had gone together.

This isn't the first time I've heard "conflict is healthy" but it was the first time I really was able to see the truth in that statement. I'm hoping that this revelation will help lessen my dislike for conflict, and help me learn to deal with it constructively.

What about ya'll? Do you do conflict well, or does it scare the heck out of you too? I'm planning another post on Ground Rule for Fighting Fair, so I'd love suggestions!

Valentine's Day: Mutual Weirdness

When I was young and single, I always thought I'd want a big show for Valentine's Day--flowers and hearts and chocolate (oh my!) Now that I'm old and married, I appreciate simplicity. My gift from Josh consisted of potted Mums (beautiful--and his to take care of, since I do not have a green thumb!), a funny yet sweet card, and two bags of my favorite chocolate. I was completely satisfied.

I am such a fan of this quote, because I think it sums us up perfectly:

That's just so us. Some of our weirdness, both individual and mutual:

• I eat Skittles and M&M's by color (all the reds, all the oranges, all the greens...)
• Josh likes mustard instead of mayonnaise in his tuna salad.
• We both stick out tongues out just a little bit when we are concentrating on something.
• He is most ticklish on his lips (I think it's so much fun to touch them and drive him crazy!)
• One of my favorite foods is a liverwurst sandwich on rye with bread & butter pickles.
• I hate pedicures--mostly because it tickles so much!
• Neither one of us are huge TV watchers, but we do both enjoy shows like "Antiques Roadshow" and documentaries. 

I don't think you can ask for much more in life than to find someone who loves you despite (or, really, because of) your idiosyncrasies. I love knowing that I can truly be myself--liverwurst breath and all--around Josh.

Our Love Story

I came across this link up today and decided it would be fun to share our love story for those of you who don't know it already.

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?

About three and a half years. That seems like nothing, but it feels like forever.

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?}

We actually met online. Match.com, to be exact. I had just moved to a new city and worked in a preschool, and didn't have a lot of opportunities to meet guys. So I decided to give a shot for one month. Josh was the first guy I met in person and from our first date, we've been inseparable.

3. If married, how long have you been married?

We got married on April 24, 2010; we are quickly approaching our two year anniversary!

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding? 

We got married at the Riverfront Hyatt in downtown Jacksonville. I don't think it was a "big" wedding, but we both have large families, so there were lots of people there! It was a beautiful day.

 

5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? 

He calls me Babe, and Carebear. I call him Joshy or Bagel (because Muffin is too girly) and sometimes when we're being silly, we call each other Pookie-Snookums-Honeybunches.

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey.

I love how he is always willing to help anybody with whatever they need. I love that he loves his family--especially his Mama and his sister and his Granny--more than anything. And I love that he knows how to make me laugh, and makes me laugh every day.

7. Tell us how he proposed? 

 It was my birthday. We went to dinner and then for a walk on the beach, which is something we really love to do. I had asked for sterling silver earrings for my birthday, so I thought that's what the little box was--until I opened it and saw a diamond ring!

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals? 

Neither, really. He'll buy me flowers because he knows I like them. And maybe some wine or chocolate.

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch?

Both! It depends on my mood. As I said, we love dinner and walks on the beach--but I am also quite content with Redbox and a night on the couch.

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere? 

I'd really love to take him to Thailand. I spent a summer there a few years ago, and I really want to show Josh all the things I love about it.

11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentine's Day. 

We honestly haven't talked about it, but since it falls on a weekday and he works late, we'll probably just have a quiet dinner at home. We may go out to celebrate this weekend or next (I can always use an excuse to eat at Buca di Bepo!)

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's day?

Chocolate--I love Lindt chocolate truffles and there are only a few times a year I can get away with paying for them!

13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love. 

Always put the other person first, not just ahead of yourself, but ahead of everything else in your life. And don't talk bad about your husband to anyone else. If you need advice or support, that's one thing, but complaining about him to anyone is not going to do anything positive for your relationship.

14.  Show us a picture of what love means to you.

Our First Dance--Feels like Home by Linda Ronstadt

 Happy early Valentine's Day!

Midweek Confessions: Better Late Than Never!

 Happy Midweek!

 

• I am really stressing out over a situation at work that may leave me without a job. I am trying to trust that God has a plan and has control...but it's oh so hard. I am so frustrated! I have been listening to this song (and reading the psalm it's based on) and it has been helping.

• I made banana pudding for the Super Bowl. Confession: I don't like bananas. I just like the "pudding" part (which is why I make Paula Deen's Chessman Cookie version--no banana flavored pudding!)
• Nothing annoys me more than when I am somewhere with nothing to do and can't catch up on my Words with Friends games because I don't have a good signal. Ugh! I feel like I'm wasting precious time not playing!
• I have two shameless plugs!
• One: One of my favorite blogs, Marriage Confessions, has been nominated for two Bloggie Awards. Go check out their blog and vote for them!
• Two: If you live in the Northeast Florida area, please check out my husband's website and keep him in mind if you ever need a home inspector! He is fantastic (and I'm not all that biased.)
• I am posting this Thursday because I started it last night and then Josh and I got into a fight passionate discussion about my job and how I'm handling the stress. We both handle stress so differently and sometimes have a hard time seeing the other person's point of view.

Enjoy the rest of your week! 

What It Means

When I first started this blog, it was shortly after Josh and I were married. I knew that being married was going to be a whole new adventure, and I wanted to start a blog to chronicle the moments. I've always loved writing, and had often contemplated blogging, and being a newlywed seemed like a great time to start. I originally named my blog "Life as Josh's Wife" and wrote one post (you can still read it, way back here).

I had great intentions and not so much committment. Life took over and my one and only post stayed there with no visitors.

One day I was driving and heard Andrew Peterson's song Dancing In The Mine Fields on the radio, and I loved it. I love folk music, and I love Andrew Peterson, and this song is a perfect example of why. As I listened to it in the car, I was touched by what a perfect analogy for marriage it is.

Not just marriage, but faith, and friendships, and everything else.

If I've learned one thing in my twenty-something years, it's that life isn't easy at all. There are so many mines around. So many ways that we can be caught off guard and all our plans and best intentions can be blown up.

The other thing I've learned is that we're never alone; even at the hardest, darkest times, God is with us. And that's what I want to learn to embrace. I want to dance through life--embracing the good parts, without fear or anxiety over the mines.

So when I was inspired to start blogging again, I knew that's where I wanted my focus to be--finding the joy among the mines of everyday life.

Love & Respect

A few years ago, when Josh & I had first started dating, my mom gave me the book Love and Respect as a Christmas present. We had been together not quite six months, but we both knew by then it was going someplace serious. And I think my mom knew too, which is why she gave me a book for married couples.
 As I do with most books, I started to read it almost immediately. And as I do with most nonfiction books, I got distracted a few chapters in and it got forgotten on the bookshelf.

The book's main theme is pretty self explanatory- that wives desperately need to know their husbands love them, and husbands desperately need to know that their wives respect them.

Well, duh.

When I first read the book, as I said, Josh and I were just dating. Many of the points addressed in the book didn't necessarily apply to us, because we were still in the "honeymoon" phase.

Look how cute we were!

Fast forward a few years later, and we are quickly approaching our second wedding anniverary. While I will say our second year has been significantly easier than the first, we still have our moments where we want to strangle each other. And at the end of many of our fights battles disagreements, I am left feeling like we're going in circles.

Not long ago I picked up the book again to see what advice it would offer. This time around, I am proud to say I made it all the way through the entire book, and loved it.

One of the things that struck me the most was how often I, as a wife, fail to show my husband that I respect him. I'm really good at showing him I love him, because that's what comes naturally to me. But so often, especially when I am frustrated, I don't act like I respect him. I make sarcastic comments and roll my eyes and let the little things bug me. Then, because he feels disrespected, he is not particularly loving towards me, and the cycle continues. This handy infographic explains it better than I ever could:

I'm not doing a great job of explaining this, but trust me, when I read the book, a light bulb went off in my head. I've been trying to be more aware of how I speak to Josh, and to make it obvious how much I do respect him.

If you're married, or in a serious relationship, I can't recommend this book enough!

Now, your turn... what books have positively affected your relationships? Please share!

{Insert Crazy Laughter}

I had a really funny dream last night. Hysterical-laughing-out-loud funny.

You want to hear my dream, right?

You want me to tell you all the hilarious details?

...Me too. Except I have no idea what I dreamed about!

Me: (sitting straight up in bed): HAhaHAhAHaHAHAhahaHAHaHA!
Josh: (awoken from deep slumber): What? What are you laughing about?
Me: (still sleeping) HAHahAhAHAhAHAHAHA!
Josh: (getting annoyed) WHAT are you laughing at?
Me: (slightly awake now): What? *promptly fall back asleep*

I have no memory of said laughter. When I woke up, I was sitting up in bed, and Josh was yelling at me. I have no idea what I thought was so funny. I wish I did, though, because it was apparently really funny.

This isn't the first time I've woken Josh up with my middle of the night antics.
He loves to tell the story of when he woke up to find me standing across the room next to his dresser.
I still have no idea what I was doing there.
Several other times I've woken him up with my ramblings, only to have no idea what I said or what I was talking about.

So, there you go. Proof that I am crazy!

I'm linking up to E, Myself & I's Midweek Confessions...it was such fun last week so I'm doing it again!

2011's Top 10 Moments

I am joining Mrs. Pancake's link party for Top 10 Moments in 2011. I really enjoyed reflecting on my year and picking my Top 10! These are in no particular order, because I don't have the patience to sort them :)

Number One: Joining a Church

Josh and I had been church shopping since before we got married. We had attended a very large church where most of our friends went. It was okay, because we knew our friends, but when a church is so big, it's hard to get involved and build new relationships. We tried several churches in the area, but from the moment we walked into this church, it felt like home. It's a small Baptist church with the sweetest and friendliest people I've ever met. We became members within a few weeks, and it has been such a blessing to us. We have made dear friends and having a church home has brought us closer to God and to each other.

Number Two: Josh's Home Inspection Business 

Josh started working on his Home Inspector's license in the spring. I don't think either of us quite realized what a long road it would be! There was lots of studying, classes, more studying, and finally, a huge test to get his license. I was so proud of him when he passed, and I'm even more proud of him now that his business is getting off the ground. It's long been a dream of his to be self employed, and he is on his way!

Number Three: Emma

My sister in law, Elizabeth, had a daughter in June, making me an official aunt for the first time (more on that "official" part in a minute!) Emma is the cutest, chubbiest, and sweetest little girl on the planet. It has been such a joy to watch Elizabeth become a mother and to watch Emma grow. You can't help but smile when you're with Emma. Plus, those cheeks just ask for kisses and squeezes!

Number Four: Myles & Emmett

As I pointed out, Emma made me an aunt officially. Unofficially, I became an aunt in April when my good friend Lindsey gave birth to Myles. He was a whole month early, and made his appearance the weekend Lindsey's shower was scheduled. Myles is truly a joy to be around, and hello, handsome:

In October, one of my very best friends gave birth to a tiny itty bitty boy named Emmett, who joined the world 8 weeks early. He weighed just over 2 1/2 pounds. The first time I went to see him, he was in an incubator in the NICU, and was unbelievably adorable. Emmett is a fighter and made incredible progress. He's been home for more than a month now. I got to hold him for the first time a few weeks ago, and he's still so tiny, but has come so far! For your reference, the pacifier is the same in both pictures:

Watching Sam and Lindsey become moms and love their boys has been so much fun. Myles & Emmett are lucky kids!

Number Five: Occupy Thanksgiving

We joined my dad, stepmom, and brother for a Thanksgiving camping trip at a private campground. Growing up, my family often camped for Thanksgiving, and it remains my favorite way to celebrate the holiday. We are serious campers, there are no RV's--just lots of tents and firewood and good food. Everyone asks if we cook the turkey over the fire--the answer is no! My dad cooked it the day before and we reheated it over the fire. It was delicious :)

Number Six: Upgrading to iPhone's

 Compared to everything else on my list, this seems pretty silly. We went from old school flip phones to iPhones as an early Christmas present from my mom. WOW! It was a huge upgrade and I love my iPhone. Especially with Josh starting the business, these came at a perfect time and have been so useful. And so much FUN!

Number Seven: Our First Anniversary

 On April 24th, we celebrated our first anniversary. Our first year was not entirely easy--it was filled with car accidents, unrelated trips to the ER, emergency surgery, and job changes. But we survived! And we had fun. Everyone always says marriage is harder than you think, and it truly is. It's also a lot more fun than I thought. No one can make me laugh as hard as he can. 

Number Eight: My Old Job

 Last winter, I accepted a promotion at my company. My new job only lasted eight months. I was stuck in a cubicle, had no interaction with people, and was bored out of my mind. When my old boss called me and asked if I'd like to come back, I immediately and gratefully said yes. Without getting into details, let's just say that my "old job" was a million times cooler than the promotion. I have been back for six months, and even though it was a step down in the eyes of my company, I couldn't be happier.

Number Nine: Not Buying a House

In February, we started house shopping. We found one we loved, put an offer on it, and were SO excited. We currently live in a one bedroom apartment, and while I still consider it home, it's not easy. With two dogs and a husband who loves tools, things get a little cramped. I couldn't wait to have a kitchen with more than one countertop! The inspection proved that the house was not worth it, and we took a step back. Instead of rushing to find something else before our lease was up, we decided to wait. Honestly, it was not a fun decision and if left to my own devices, probably not the decision I would've made. However, I am so grateful that we did it. It has given us another year to save, and to think about what we really want. 

 Number 10: Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve just happened, but it was one of the best nights of the whole year for me. We went to the candlelight service at our church, and as I was working on writing this post, I was so aware of how much our church family means to me. We stood outside with candles and sang Christmas carols, and I was reminded of all the ways God has blessed us over the past year. After the service, our assistant pastor and his wife invited us over for dinner with their family, and it was yet another example of why I love our church so much.

So that's our 2011. I hope yours was just as wonderful, and I hope 2012 brings many more wonderful memories for all of us!

Catching Up!

So I had a bright idea to start a blog...and I did it...and then I promptly forgot about it.

Oops.

I left my first post up, from over a year ago, because it still applies. We've been through a lot in the past year, and I've grown a lot. When we have problems, and of course we do, I still want to fix them immediately. I still feel weird and agitated until we've made up. I am getting better though, because I am making a conscious effort. I have to tell myself to take a deep breath, say a prayer, and remember that even though we may be fighting, we still love each other.

And love each other we do. One of the things I treasure most about our relationship is our ability to be silly.

I found this on Pinterest (you can count me among the addicted, and follow my boards here ). I love it. We are silly. We make funny faces and tickle each other and pick on each other. Now that we have fancy iPhones (thanks, Mom!) we send each other silly pictures and FaceTime each other from different rooms. His goofiness is one of the reasons I fell in love with him, and it's still one of my favorite things about him.


Did I just make you gag a little bit?

Oops again.

Learning to Wait

I think one of the most frustrating things is when I can’t fix things for Josh. Right now, he’s outside in the miserable Florida heat trying to repair the gas tank on his truck. I want to be able to help. But the limits of what I can do stops some where around ice water & ham sandwiches. I see him sweating and being frustrated and I want to fix it for him. Unfortunately my knowledge of car repair ranks right up there with my knowledge of brain surgery. Zip.

One of the things I’ve learned the most over the past few months is that I can’t always fix it. There are times I don’t have the solution, the expertise, the strength or the ability to fix things. As much as I want to do whatever it takes so that he’s not stressed out, it’s not always possible.

The same thing applies to our relationship. When we fight, or disagree, I want to make up immediately. I want to yell and scream for five minutes, get it out of my system, and then be done and hug and kiss and be all lovey dovey again. Not Josh. He needs more time to recuperate. When he’s angry or frustrated, it takes longer for him to come around than it takes me. He doesn’t want to talk or hug or cuddle. He wants to be left alone. It took me a long time to be okay with that, and I still have to work at it. It makes me sad and uncomfortable when I feel like he’s still angry, and I want the problem to go away immediately. I want to fix it. But he really just needs time. I’m learning that if I give him space, and don’t push him to be ready to make up as soon as I am, he eventually comes around and apologizes and all is right with the world.

I have to keep learning that I don’t have the answers to all the world’s problems, and not even to all of our problems. Sometimes it just takes time.