Midweek Confessions--May!

Ugh. I am such a blogging slacker. I seem to get in ruts and I don't know what to write about so I just don't even try. Does anyone have any suggestions for that?

Anyway--Midweek Confessions never fail to make me happy, so here goes!

-We have been searching for a house to rent, and it is oh-so-frustrating. We looked at one the other day, and I honestly don't think it had even been vacuumed since the last tenants moved out. Really? What makes you think I want to rent from a landlord who can't even be bothered to vacuum the property before showing it?

-Speaking of houses, we still have almost two months until we'll be moving, and our house is a disaster! Between Josh running two businesses (anyone need a home inspection or lawncare?), our kitchen table looks like an office threw up all over it.

-I currently am missing half of one of my front teeth. I look like such a dork! I broke it when I was 11, at the time, the dentist was able to reattach the broken piece and do a root canal. Last week one of the babies and work knocked me in the teeth with her head--and crack! I hate hate hate the dentist, and am dreading getting it fixed--but so thankful that worker's compensation is covering it!

-I dislike change so much. I hate change at work, at church, at home... I generally adjust pretty well after the change happens, but dread it up terribly until that moment.

-I have a secret! I have a new job that I will be starting in June! I've been keeping it quiet because I didn't want my current company to find out too soon; but they already found out anyway. I am currently an office manager at a preschool, which I love, but there's not much opportunity for growth in my current company. I accepted a position as an office manager for a charter elementary school. The school is brand new (opening in August) and I am thrilled to be part of their team!

Look at the fancy new button E made for Midweek Confessions! Her blog is all new and spiffy, go check it out!

Good Friday Thoughts

This song does a much better job explaining Good Friday than I ever could..

Today, we mourn the death of Jesus. Of our savior who hung on a tree for my sins--because He knew I would never be able to keep from screwing up. And not only did He die for us, He continues to pursue us because He longs for a relationship with us. That's beautiful and scandalous, all right.

The good news is that we mourn with hope, because we have the knowledge that Sunday will change things. We know that the tomb will be empty come Sunday.

On Conflict

Let me really honest here: I do not like conflict. Not at all. I would rather just pretend everything is okay than deal with any issues in any of my relationships.

What usually happens when Josh and I disagree is that I just give in and let it go, because that is easier to me than dealing with a disagreement. And if that doesn't solve the problem, then I get upset and cry and go to bed.

Yeah. Not the healthiest strategy.

Fortunately for Josh and I, we have been growing through Chip Ingram's "Experiencing God's Dream for Your Marriage" with another couple from our church. We are almost through the study and have learned some really great things about what marriage is designed to look like, intimacy, and communication. But I'll admit, when I found out last night's topic was "Conflict Resolution: How to Fight Fair", I got a little squirmy.  I don't even like to talk about conflict. Ugh.

I am so glad we did, though. We discussed some ground rules for fighting fair and why we each react to conflict differently.

What stood out for me more than anything else is that conflict is normal. I guess this might be a "duh" moment for a lot of people, but it really resonated with me. Conflict is normal, it is healthy, and it is a necessary part of marriage.

Chip gave the example of Paul and Barnabas in the Bible. We don't know all the juicy details, but basically, these two amazing missionaries parted ways because they couldn't agree on what to do with John Mark. Two of the Godliest guys in history had conflict. In the end, their conflict actually allowed them to spread the Gospel to more places individually than if they had gone together.

This isn't the first time I've heard "conflict is healthy" but it was the first time I really was able to see the truth in that statement. I'm hoping that this revelation will help lessen my dislike for conflict, and help me learn to deal with it constructively.

What about ya'll? Do you do conflict well, or does it scare the heck out of you too? I'm planning another post on Ground Rule for Fighting Fair, so I'd love suggestions!

What It Means

When I first started this blog, it was shortly after Josh and I were married. I knew that being married was going to be a whole new adventure, and I wanted to start a blog to chronicle the moments. I've always loved writing, and had often contemplated blogging, and being a newlywed seemed like a great time to start. I originally named my blog "Life as Josh's Wife" and wrote one post (you can still read it, way back here).

I had great intentions and not so much committment. Life took over and my one and only post stayed there with no visitors.

One day I was driving and heard Andrew Peterson's song Dancing In The Mine Fields on the radio, and I loved it. I love folk music, and I love Andrew Peterson, and this song is a perfect example of why. As I listened to it in the car, I was touched by what a perfect analogy for marriage it is.

Not just marriage, but faith, and friendships, and everything else.

If I've learned one thing in my twenty-something years, it's that life isn't easy at all. There are so many mines around. So many ways that we can be caught off guard and all our plans and best intentions can be blown up.

The other thing I've learned is that we're never alone; even at the hardest, darkest times, God is with us. And that's what I want to learn to embrace. I want to dance through life--embracing the good parts, without fear or anxiety over the mines.

So when I was inspired to start blogging again, I knew that's where I wanted my focus to be--finding the joy among the mines of everyday life.

On Insecurity

Since I switched my day off and have been able to go to church on Wednesday nights, I've been going to a woman's Bible study based on the book So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore.

I have some Beth Moore experience under my belt from college, and while I love to roll my eyes at how ridiculous she can be, I have always learned from her. This time around isn't any different.

Last week, one of the challenges was for us to think about how our insecurity limits us. To really, honestly take a look at our lives and see what we're missing out on because of insecurity.

Now, I'll admit, I've always struggled with insecurity. I'm generally quiet and shy and it takes a while for me to warm up to new people. But I had never really given any amount of thought to what I was missing out on because of my insecurity. Or given any thought to the idea that I didn't have to be insecure, that it was something I could change.

I was kind of shocked when I started paying attentions to the things that I hold back from because of insecurity...

• There's a knitting group meet up that I keep saying I'm going to go to, to learn to knit and meet new people. I've been saying this for almost a year and still haven't gone. 
• When I'm ordering food I hesitate to make special requests. My boss is very specific about how she likes her sushi, and it is torture when I have to order it!
• I am an independent consultant for Thirty One Gifts.While I love their products, I very rarely promote my business or invite people to host parties.
• Coming up with blog posts is difficult, because I'm always worried that I'll bore you to death or that you won't like what I wrote. 
• On our first date, I wouldn't look Josh in the eyes and I barely talked to him. Good thing he was willing to look past that!

I'm sure I could think of plenty more, but you get the idea.

Yikes.

John 10:10 tells us that God wants us to live abundantly.

I know this, but often I am too worried about what others will think or how I will feel to embrace it. As I said, I've always just looked at my insecurity as a character trait, part of my personality, not something I could actually change. But I am beginning to realize that maybe I can change, and maybe I need to. Maybe I shouldn't spend so much time worrying about what everyone else thinks, and instead dwell on what God thinks.

Love & Respect

A few years ago, when Josh & I had first started dating, my mom gave me the book Love and Respect as a Christmas present. We had been together not quite six months, but we both knew by then it was going someplace serious. And I think my mom knew too, which is why she gave me a book for married couples.
 As I do with most books, I started to read it almost immediately. And as I do with most nonfiction books, I got distracted a few chapters in and it got forgotten on the bookshelf.

The book's main theme is pretty self explanatory- that wives desperately need to know their husbands love them, and husbands desperately need to know that their wives respect them.

Well, duh.

When I first read the book, as I said, Josh and I were just dating. Many of the points addressed in the book didn't necessarily apply to us, because we were still in the "honeymoon" phase.

Look how cute we were!

Fast forward a few years later, and we are quickly approaching our second wedding anniverary. While I will say our second year has been significantly easier than the first, we still have our moments where we want to strangle each other. And at the end of many of our fights battles disagreements, I am left feeling like we're going in circles.

Not long ago I picked up the book again to see what advice it would offer. This time around, I am proud to say I made it all the way through the entire book, and loved it.

One of the things that struck me the most was how often I, as a wife, fail to show my husband that I respect him. I'm really good at showing him I love him, because that's what comes naturally to me. But so often, especially when I am frustrated, I don't act like I respect him. I make sarcastic comments and roll my eyes and let the little things bug me. Then, because he feels disrespected, he is not particularly loving towards me, and the cycle continues. This handy infographic explains it better than I ever could:

I'm not doing a great job of explaining this, but trust me, when I read the book, a light bulb went off in my head. I've been trying to be more aware of how I speak to Josh, and to make it obvious how much I do respect him.

If you're married, or in a serious relationship, I can't recommend this book enough!

Now, your turn... what books have positively affected your relationships? Please share!

The Opposite of Perfectionist

Admission: I am so not a perfectionist. So not detail oriented. Also, I am one of those people who starts things with really great intentions, and then gets three quarters of the way through and never finishes.

 My parents would tell you this is not a recent development. Throughout childhood, I attempted a variety of sports and hobbies--swimming, jazz dance, horseback riding, tap dance, softball... I always wanted to quit midway through the season.

These traits combined lead to some pretty cool projects that I start and then give up as soon as there are details or precision measuring involved. I have really great intentions, but not a lot of follow through.


Not long ago, I decided it would be not too difficult to make some covers for our couch pillows. I have a sewing machine, I sort of know how to use it. How hard could this be?

They are pretty cute, right? What you don't see is the unfinished edges (that frayed in two days), the uneven stitching (meh, I couldn't be bothered to iron or pin or any of that detail-y stuff!) and the loose seams that ripped open in a few weeks. Oops. (For your information, I went back and fixed the loose seams several months later. And left the edges unfinished. They are still fraying.)

I can't even finish my coffee. Ask my husband, I drink 3/4 of a cup and then leave the rest sitting there. Every single day.

Early this morning at work, I got the dreaded email from accounting saying my last bank deposit had been off. So I pulled the reports, checked it out, and realized I had not made one mistake but three. Yikes.

I thought at some point that I could be ADD. That would be a great excuse for the lack of attention to detail, and the distraction halfway through. Except I know deep down that's not really the case. Most of the time, the truth is that I'd rather be curled up in my pajama pants, reading a good book.

A good book. Now that's something I've never had a hard time finishing.